We had finally gotten in bed on Monday night after trying for an hour to get the boys asleep. It was closing in on 11:00 p.m. and we were exhausted. Our alarm was set for 6:00 a.m.
At 12:26 a.m. I woke to the sound of a crying baby. Usually if only one of them wakes up we just put him in the bed with us and we all go back to sleep. But when both of them wake up we try to get them back to sleep and lay them back in their beds. It is just too uncomfortable and none of us get any sleep when all four of us are piled in Daddy and Mommy’s bed.
Nathan made his way up the stairs to the boy’s nursery through barely opened eyes. He retrieved Maverick and brought him downstairs to our bedroom.
Usually they will fall right asleep once in our bed. But, of course, for some unknown reason Maverick kept fussing and couldn’t get comfortable. Finally after about 45 minutes he fell asleep. Ever so softly I lay my head down next to his and had just closed my eyes when I heard it. Maxton had woken up and was crying in his room now too.
I almost started to cry. I was so very tired and I knew Nathan was too. He had fallen asleep already so I tried to not wake him or Maverick as I gently slipped out of the bed without making a sound. I made it to the nursery and picked up my sweet Maxton who was standing up in his crib with his arms outstretched towards me. No matter how tired I am, the sight of one of my little boys reaching for me is beautiful.
I began to nurse and rock him back to sleep. I sang to him and rubbed his little head. The scent of a baby’s hair is like heaven and I soak it all in. Even during these difficult nights as I rock and sing with a voice that is so tired sometimes I miss words to the song, I savor every moment. Just knowing that these precious, little people need me gives my life purpose.
I have never and will never let my children just “cry it out”. I don’t judge parents who do this, but it’s just not for me. When I hear their little cries, my mama heart wants nothing more than to soothe them and let them know that I will always be there for them. They won’t always cry for me. One day they’ll be bigger and won’t need my help to get back to sleep. One day they won’t live at home anymore. One day I won’t get to hold them and cuddle with them during the night. One day I won’t have the privilege to spend every waking hour of my life with my babies. But right now, I do have that privilege and I am so thankful for these moments that I’ll carry in my heart for a lifetime.
Once Maxton was asleep I attempted to lay him in his crib. He woke up and started to cry. I repeated this cycle three times. I finally laid down beside of his crib with my hand stuck through the railings so I could hold his hand. I laid like that until I couldn’t feel my hand. I removed my hand and he woke up. Normally I would just let him come back to bed with me, but Maverick was already in our bed so I had no choice but to keep trying. I put my hand back through the railing and sang to him until he fell back asleep. I laid like that for what seemed like hours.
I finally eased my hand out of his crib and as quietly as possible crawled out of his room. I didn’t want to risk standing up and possibly waking him. As I was crawling out of the nursery I wanted to laugh at how funny I’m sure I looked and I also wanted to cry because I was so exhausted. I made it down the stairs and back to my bed around 3:00 a.m. I nestled in next to my other guys and held Maverick until our alarm went off three hours later.
These times are trying for sure, but what a blessing they are. I am so thankful that God chose me to be the one privileged to call these babies mine.